A Labor Day Tradition Continues
Eric Glazer’s annual Labor Day salute to volunteer condo and HOA board members follows one South Florida president through a holiday that refuses to stay quiet.
By Eric M. Glazer
· 5 min read
Larry Losinit is the President of Enough Already Condominium, a 12-story condominium in South Florida. Larry has been President for six years, which in condominium years is approximately 47.
Larry loves Labor Day. Not because of the barbecues. Not because of the sales. Not even because he gets the day off from work. Larry loves Labor Day because he believes that once a year, on this one sacred day, condominium owners will understand the meaning of the word LABOR and leave the people who labor for free on their Board of Directors alone.
Larry is an optimist.
At 7:02 a.m. the phone rings.
It’s Barry Brokeagain in Unit 406. Barry wants to know why his quarterly maintenance payment went up. Larry explains that insurance has increased, the condominium has completed its reserve study and certain reserves must now be funded.
Barry is furious.
“I’m 89 years old. Why should I pay for a roof that’s going to last another 20 years?”
Larry tells Barry that unfortunately the law does not contain an exemption for people who don’t plan on being around when the roof needs replacement.
Barry says that’s age discrimination and he’s calling the DBPR, the Governor, President Trump and Channel 7.
Larry hangs up.
At 7:14 a.m. there is pounding on the door.
Larry opens it and finds Connie Conspiracy standing there holding 312 pages she printed from the Internet.
Connie has discovered that the condominium recently had a milestone inspection. She wants to know why.
Larry explains that Florida law requires certain condominium buildings to undergo milestone inspections.
Connie isn’t buying it.
She says the inspection is obviously a scam created by engineers, lawyers and condominium presidents to steal everyone’s money. She has done her own inspection by walking around the building twice and looking up. She didn't see anything wrong.
Larry asks if Connie is an architect or engineer.
“No,” Connie says, “but I owned a hardware store in Queens for 31 years.”
Larry closes the door.
It’s now 7:30 a.m. Larry decides the only way to enjoy Labor Day is to get out of the building. He puts on his bathing suit, grabs a towel and heads for the beach.
The elevator door opens.
Inside is Eddie Emotional and his emotional support ostrich, Kevin.
Larry stares at Kevin.
Kevin stares at Larry.
Eddie explains that Kevin helps alleviate his anxiety.
Larry says the ostrich is giving him anxiety.
Eddie tells Larry that his lawyer says the condominium isn't allowed to ask any questions whatsoever about Kevin and if Larry even looks at Kevin the wrong way, Eddie will sue the Association for $10 million.
Kevin pecks the elevator button.
Larry takes the stairs.
On the third floor he runs into Alice AI. Alice wants to know why the condominium continues wasting money on a lawyer, manager, accountant and engineer when she just subscribed to ChatGPT for twenty bucks a month.
Alice says she asked ChatGPT whether she has to pay assessments and it gave her a 900-word answer. She only read the first sentence, but she’s pretty sure the answer was no.
Larry tells Alice to keep paying her assessments.
Alice says she’s going to ask ChatGPT whether Larry can legally tell her that.
Larry keeps walking.
He finally reaches the lobby.
Waiting for him is Walter Website.
Walter is furious that the condominium has put official records on its website.
Larry reminds Walter that Florida law requires certain associations to maintain websites containing specified records.
Walter says that’s outrageous because now everyone can see how much the condominium spends.
Larry asks Walter if he isn't the same person who spent the last five years screaming that the Board was hiding the records.
Walter says that has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Larry makes it through the lobby.
Freedom!
He can see his car.
He is approximately twelve feet away when Victor Voltage jumps in front of him.
Victor recently purchased an electric vehicle and wants the Association to install a charging station in his parking space.
Larry tells Victor to submit the required paperwork.
Victor says paperwork is unnecessary because the salesman at Tesla told him Florida law says he can install anything he wants.
Larry asks if the Tesla salesman is a Florida condominium attorney.
Victor says, “No, but he seemed very knowledgeable.”
Larry walks around him.
He gets into his car.
He locks the doors.
He starts the engine.
There is now a crowd forming around the car.
Molly Minutes is banging on the passenger window demanding to know why the minutes from last Tuesday’s Board meeting don't contain every word she said during owner comments.
Ricky Recall is standing behind the car holding a petition to recall Larry because the pool temperature is 84 degrees instead of 85.
Frank Facebook is livestreaming the entire event and telling his 37 followers that Larry is attempting to flee the country.
And Tommy Transparency is taking pictures through Larry’s windshield while screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?”
Larry puts the car in reverse.
He can't move because Ricky Recall is still standing behind him.
Larry turns off the car.
He gets out.
He goes back upstairs.
It’s 8:16 a.m.
Larry has had enough Labor Day.
He closes the blinds. He turns off his phone. He disconnects the doorbell. He pours himself a cup of coffee and turns on the television.
There’s a knock at the door.
Larry ignores it.
Another knock.
Larry ignores it.
Then pounding.
“LARRY! WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!”
Larry stays perfectly still.
“LARRY! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!”
Against every instinct in his body, Larry opens the door.
It’s Harry Havoc from Unit 702.
“What’s the emergency?”
Harry looks terrified.
“The pickleball court is locked.”
Larry slowly closes the door.
He walks into his bedroom, pulls out a suitcase and starts packing.
His wife asks where they’re going.
“Anywhere.”
“For how long?”
Larry thinks for a moment.
“Until Tuesday.”
His wife smiles.
“Great. Where should we stay?”
Larry smiles back.
“The cheapest hotel we can find that doesn't have a condominium association.”
Dedicated to all of the volunteer Board members who spend 364 days a year dealing with the craziness of community association living and deserve at least one day when nobody asks them why the pool is too cold, the assessments are too high, the website has too much information, the website doesn't have enough information, or whether an emotional support ostrich can use the elevator.
Happy Labor Day.
Watch a recent episode of Condo Craze and HOAs
Continue the conversation with Eric Glazer in “Can Your Condo or HOA Ban Political Signs?” — a recent Condo Craze and HOAs episode about political signs, governing documents and community association rules.
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