Maybe E-Mail Is the Problem

The other day, a professor of law at Nova Southeastern University and I were discussing something that seems to be disappearing from our profession: civility.

We both agreed that it is critically important for lawyers to communicate civilly with one another. After all, our justice system depends upon professionals being able to disagree without becoming disagreeable.

That conversation got me thinking about another group that often struggles with civility: condominium and HOA board members.

Ironically, Florida condominium and HOA laws have evolved to make communication easier. Today, directors are permitted to communicate by e-mail about association business. While that may be convenient, I am beginning to wonder whether it has also contributed to the decline in civility that we see not only among board members, but throughout society.

Think about how people communicated before e-mail, texting, and Zoom meetings.

If you had something to say, you usually had to say it face-to-face. You had to sit across from the other person. You had to look them in the eye. You had to deal with their immediate reaction. As a result, most people chose their words more carefully.

Today, communication often occurs from behind a keyboard. People send e-mails they would never say in person. They fire off texts without considering the consequences. They type first and think later.

The result is predictable. Conversations become arguments. Disagreements become personal. Relationships deteriorate.

I see it all the time in community associations. One board member sends an e-mail expressing a concern. Another responds defensively. A third jumps in. Before long, what could have been a productive discussion turns into a chain of accusations and hurt feelings.

Would the same thing happen if those directors were sitting around a conference table together? Sometimes, yes. But not nearly as often.

There is something about being in the same room with another person that encourages restraint. We are generally more respectful when we have to face each other. We listen more carefully. We are less likely to assume the worst. Most importantly, we are more likely to remember that the person on the other side of the disagreement is not an enemy.

Perhaps the answer is not to communicate more often by e-mail, but less.

Maybe board members should save many of these discussions for board meetings or in-person conversations. Maybe lawyers should pick up the phone more often. Maybe all of us should spend less time typing and more time talking.

Technology has made communication easier than ever before. Unfortunately, it has not necessarily made communication better.

When people communicate face-to-face, civility tends to increase. When civility increases, problems get solved. And when problems get solved, communities function better.

Maybe that’s a lesson worth remembering before we hit “Send.”